I’ve never found a reason to cry at a wedding, which gives me an advantage when I’m wearing mascara for the occasion. As a wedding guest or as a member of the wedding party, I want to look my best — if not a natural beauty, then “beautified,” an “ill phrase” — even though nobody looks at any woman other than the bride. Nonetheless, the last time I was invited to a wedding, the couple recited their vows as I watched barefaced and barefoot.

 

I’d been prepped by tuning in to a multitude of wedding programs on TV, on which brides choose gowns and submit to the alternating blandishments and bullying of wedding planners in all aspects of the wedding (except the choice of mate). I’ve delighted in the construction of fondant-covered multi-tiered extravaganzas of cakes adorned with… More…